Sunday, January 31, 2010
Unplugged
I think I am on technology overload. I tend to be a little bit Walden Pondish...not that I really want to go live in a cabin on a lake and eat plants from the forest, but I don't like technology. I am strongly opposed to video games, tv, etc. But at the same time I always get sucked into it and find these things consuming much of my precious time not to mention adding to my lack of movement. They are not evil things in and of themselves and they can be used for good, but so often I just overindulge and find myself wishing for less of them. I may be feeling this way because of the bad habits I have been forming lately. Not only have I been immersing myself in facebook, but I'll have the internet and laptop going while I watch TV any time in the evening after my kids go to bed. I get caught up on random internet searches or little facebook games and before you know it I have wasted so much time. Tonight I turned the TV off just to listen to..well nothing since I am the only one up still. And it feels nice. I feel a certain sense of peace and calm having removed the noises and all the entertainment. Here's to unplugging a little more often.
Wednesday, January 13, 2010
Overcoming my American dream
Perhaps it is a good time to write about my dreams in lieu of the upcoming holiday. A time to reflect on someone who had a dream that was greater than himself, a dream that would help to shape and change an entire nation. It was not my intention to write about this particular person, although he deserves much remembrance and honor for his part in changing and impacting mankind.
I am writing this more as a confession. A time to own up to the fact that my own personal dreams being failures. The fact that I have been viewing myself and my life through the world's eyes. And all I have to show for it is failure. Discouragement. Embarassment. Discontenment. Pride. Selfishness. Struggle.
The American dream to own a home, make money, raise your family better than you were raised, give them more, to be thinner and have no stretchmarks. To have a career. I have wanted this. My heart has yearned for these things, and yet I have not succeeded. I have pursued and wished for and wanted this American dream. And in all my hopes, efforts, and wishes I have failed at this American dream. I have seen myself fail.
It is a struggle to give up on the thing that you so greatly desire. But perhaps it is necessary in hopes of gaining something greater. I want to be content. I want to be selfless. I want to not desire these things so greatly. I want instead to appeal for the applause of heaven. To not be measured by my own worldly standard, but to view myself in God's vision. To have confidence that he is proud of me just now. Without changing. Without keeping a cleaner home. Without being successful in the workplace. Without more money. Without a home of my own. With all my stretchmarks and extra rolls of fat. Me, just as I am. And I know He is pleased with me but I am not pleased with me. I want to give up on my own American dream to re-embrace a dream of hope and of unconditional love. And this doesn't come easily. But I deeply desire to embrace His love and to be completely fulfilled by the hope I have in Him. And I want to give up my attitude of failure in this world. I want to forgive myself. I want to move on. There is no saying that these things won't ever happen for me. Some of them will. Some may not. But what I want to overcome is my attitude. I want to live wanting nothing else than to be near Him, to feel His presence in my life, and to believe that He is looking down on me with complete adoration. I believe that this is the God I serve. I believe, help me with my unbelief, my cynicism, my realism.
I have a dream.
I am writing this more as a confession. A time to own up to the fact that my own personal dreams being failures. The fact that I have been viewing myself and my life through the world's eyes. And all I have to show for it is failure. Discouragement. Embarassment. Discontenment. Pride. Selfishness. Struggle.
The American dream to own a home, make money, raise your family better than you were raised, give them more, to be thinner and have no stretchmarks. To have a career. I have wanted this. My heart has yearned for these things, and yet I have not succeeded. I have pursued and wished for and wanted this American dream. And in all my hopes, efforts, and wishes I have failed at this American dream. I have seen myself fail.
It is a struggle to give up on the thing that you so greatly desire. But perhaps it is necessary in hopes of gaining something greater. I want to be content. I want to be selfless. I want to not desire these things so greatly. I want instead to appeal for the applause of heaven. To not be measured by my own worldly standard, but to view myself in God's vision. To have confidence that he is proud of me just now. Without changing. Without keeping a cleaner home. Without being successful in the workplace. Without more money. Without a home of my own. With all my stretchmarks and extra rolls of fat. Me, just as I am. And I know He is pleased with me but I am not pleased with me. I want to give up on my own American dream to re-embrace a dream of hope and of unconditional love. And this doesn't come easily. But I deeply desire to embrace His love and to be completely fulfilled by the hope I have in Him. And I want to give up my attitude of failure in this world. I want to forgive myself. I want to move on. There is no saying that these things won't ever happen for me. Some of them will. Some may not. But what I want to overcome is my attitude. I want to live wanting nothing else than to be near Him, to feel His presence in my life, and to believe that He is looking down on me with complete adoration. I believe that this is the God I serve. I believe, help me with my unbelief, my cynicism, my realism.
I have a dream.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)